It's been a year now. It's been a whole year since losing my baby in an ectopic pregnancy.
In some ways, it still seems so raw a wound. I can think about him unexpectedly and get swaddled in grief for the baby that I didn't get to hold. I can't help but wonder "what if" at times. He'd be walking by now. A year later and it's still hard.
At the same time, the past year has brought more joy than I ever could have anticipated. I'm holding my beautiful healthy baby boy as I type, and now my family feels complete. I've found peace and a certain level of acceptance if not understanding.
I have learned so much from each of my four children, including the one who's gone. One of the things that he taught me is hope.